Mountain Lions, Boiled Eggs, Cottage Cheese and Clinical Trials

Mountain Lion (by Caitlin Feeley I think)

........... In case you've ever wondered.........

What’s it like to go through cancer treatment? It’s something like this: one day, you’re minding your own business, you open the fridge to get some breakfast, and OH MY GOD THERE’S A MOUNTAIN LION IN YOUR FRIDGE.

Wait, what? How? Why is there a mountain lion in your fridge? NO TIME TO EXPLAIN. RUN! THE MOUNTAIN LION WILL KILL YOU! UNLESS YOU FIND SOMETHING EVEN MORE FEROCIOUS TO KILL IT FIRST!

So you take off running, and the mountain lion is right behind you. You know the only thing that can kill a mountain lion is a bear, and the only bear is on top of the mountain, so you better find that bear. You start running up the mountain in hopes of finding the bear. Your friends desperately want to help, but they are powerless against mountain lions, as mountain lions are godless killing machines. But they really want to help, so they’re cheering you on and bringing you paper cups of water and orange slices as you run up the mountain and yelling at the mountain lion - “GET LOST, MOUNTAIN LION, NO ONE LIKES YOU” - and you really appreciate the support, but the mountain lion is still coming.

Also, for some reason, there’s someone in the crowd who’s yelling “that’s not really a mountain lion, it’s a puma” and another person yelling “I read that mountain lions are allergic to kale, have you tried rubbing kale on it?”

As you’re running up the mountain, you see other people fleeing their own mountain lions. Some of the mountain lions seem comparatively wimpy - they’re half grown and only have three legs or whatever, and you think to yourself - why couldn’t I have gotten one of those mountain lions? But then you look over at the people who are fleeing mountain lions the size of a monster truck with huge prehistoric saber fangs, and you feel like an ******* for even thinking that - and besides, who in their right mind would want to fight a mountain lion, even a three-legged one?

Finally, the person closest to you, whose job it is to take care of you - maybe a parent or sibling or best friend or, in my case, my husband - comes barging out of the woods and jumps on the mountain lion, whaling on it and screaming “GODDAMMIT MOUNTAIN LION, STOP TRYING TO EAT MY WIFE,” and the mountain lion punches your husband right in the face. Now your husband (or whatever) is rolling around on the ground clutching his nose, and he’s bought you some time, but you still need to get to the top of the mountain.

Eventually you reach the top, finally, and the bear is there. Waiting. For both of you. You rush right up to the bear, and the bear rushes the mountain lion, but the bear has to go through you to get to the mountain lion, and in doing so, the bear TOTALLY KICKS YOUR ASS, but not before it also punches your husband in the face. And your husband is now staggering around with a black eye and bloody nose, and saying “can I get some help, I’ve been punched in the face by two apex predators and I think my nose is broken,” and all you can say is “I’M KIND OF BUSY IN CASE YOU HADN’T NOTICED I’M FIGHTING A MOUNTAIN LION.”

Then, IF YOU ARE LUCKY, the bear leaps on the mountain lion and they are locked in epic battle until finally the two of them roll off a cliff edge together, and the mountain lion is dead.

Maybe. You’re not sure - it fell off the cliff, but mountain lions are crafty. It could come back at any moment.

And all your friends come running up to you and say “that was amazing! You’re so brave, we’re so proud of you! You didn’t die! That must be a huge relief!”

Meanwhile, you blew out both your knees, you’re having an asthma attack, you twisted your ankle, and also you have been mauled by a bear. And everyone says “boy, you must be excited to walk down the mountain!” And all you can think as you stagger to your feet is “**** this mountain, I never wanted to climb it in the first place.

End

Now this is me.  I'm posting "Mountain Lion" because it gives an accurate account metaphorically of how cancer treatment (the bear) is almost as  bad as cancer. In my case, I was asymptomatic with the cancer,  but, boy howdy, did I feel the effects of the treatment. Besides the shingles, I had an infected port, cdiff, a fistula, neuropathy in my feet, anemia, and my thyroid all affected by treatment.  Who knew? Nevertheless, the treatment is necessary--otherwise I'm sure the cancer would have eventually eaten me up since it was growing fast and had already spread to lymph nodes--just a month after having a breast exam with gyn.

Regarding the thyroid: A few weeks ago, my husband suggested that I get my thyroid checked. He casually mentioned that sometimes radiation to the neck harms the thyroid.  Plus he had noticed how I had been wrapping up in layers of blankets when it wasn’t that cold, and I was complaining about my weight gain beginning in March although I wasn’t eating much and I was walking 10,000 plus steps and was working out at the Y with Live Strong. Additionally, when we went to Santa Fe in April, I was walking 14,000 to 16,000 steps a day and was still not losing weight even though I didn't even eat the monks delicious homemade bread. Dan said that the effects of thyroid damage show up about 2-3 months after radiation.  I was right on schedule since my radiation finished in December.

Heeding his advice, about three weeks ago, I had my blood work drawn, and it turned out my thyroid is not functioning properly so my doctor put me on a thyroid drug. 

 I’ve been on it for about three weeks now, and, by eating mostly cottage cheese and boiled eggs, my weight is starting to come off.  That’s not all I eat, but I have never had to diet since I was twenty-something. I was chubby as a teenager and learned to love cottage cheese at that time but for many, many years I thought cottage cheese was diet food for other people. While I’m still not at my usual weight of 122, I’m less than 130 pounds.  I should be grateful that I’m not losing tons of weight—never a good sign for someone with cancer—but my inability to get control of my weight was depressing.   This is a minor thing but it's one more step to feeling more like myself.  

The next step for treatment is a clinical trial with a new drug called keytruda. which is now in clinical trials.  If my name is chosen randomly from a computer database, I'll get an infusion (IV)  of the drug every three weeks for 55 weeks  If my name is not chosen, the clinical trial people will just follow me for 10 years. The drug employs immunotherapy to stop the cancer from coming back. They sent off a sample of my tumor a few weeks ago to test for something called PDL1  or PDL2. These markers indicate whether my tumor is more receptive to the drug.  It doesn't matter which one I have--either will allow me to be in the trial.  However, a week or two ago, the people in control of trial said the tissue sample my team sent off wasn't large enough, so they were going to have to send another sample (stored somewhere). As soon as that sample comes back (marked), they can enter my name in computer selection. Right now I'm in a holding pattern until I see my oncologist next week. Here's info on drug and its efficacy: https://www.google.com/amp/s/breastcancer-news.com/2017/06/09/keytruda-effective-patients-metastatic-triple-negative-breast-cancer/%3famp

I hope I get the drug, but If I don't, it's okay, and I'll look forward to life getting back to normal. Plus the research even without getting drug will help others.