whack a mole

Well, it’s been awhile. Much has happened.

My new port got infected/—on a Wednesday after chemo. I started running a fever and Dan quickly called the doc. I got sicker by the minute. Was grateful that the doctor saw me right away. He couldn't decide whether to take out the new port or put me on antibiotics. He decided to give me the antibiotics which were levaquin and bactrim and he told me to load up on them that night. It was good he did that because I got progressively sicker. In the middle of the night I was walking into walls and couldn't stay steady on my feet probably because I was septic. After a few days I felt better and now I'm hoping that port will continue to work without infection.

I was so grateful for my friend David who came over on Thursday to check on me. Dan was at work and couldn't stay home so David brought cookies and offered to walk my dog. He's a vet so I felt comfortable turning Dude over to him. Other people helped as well—my sister Bev brought the saltines I was craving and my friend Polly brought me a hot dog. Friend Marcia brought flowers and Doritos.  (fyi I much prefer savory things—my nausea is acute when I think of sweet things.) Another friend dropped off a beautiful orchid. All of these things make me happy and I hope will boost my immune system. I am so grateful for my friends.

And this blog is called whack a mole because i just finished radiation to my back and now skin mets have appeared on my front above previous radiation. I saw them yesterday as i was dressing. Dan looked at em too and said yep they look like previous bumps. That area cannot be radiated again so i’m going to hope my chemo gets them. I seem to get rid of one problem and another pops up—not surprising considering 1cm of cancer has a billion cells

Honestly I’m a bit discouraged, but so many things to be grateful for so I will just list a few.

I am grateful to be able to walk without getting out of breath. When I had the infection, and in fact before the infection, I would only walk five steps and be winded. The other day I took a walk around the block which pleased me to make progress.

A friend gave me a cutting from her plant which was originally in Ram Dasses’ dorm room when he attended some conference. . If you don't know who Ram Dass is look him up.He was an enlightened teacher-- he has passed however . I am grateful for that and will think positive thoughts whenever I see the plant.

I'm also grateful that my medicine helps to control my nausea so that I have been eating regular meals. But I will be back to chemo on Tuesday and this drug is relentless in side effects. But I am not ready to give up. Nevertheless, I'm at the point where I understand people who give up and say no more treatments. I felt like a goner a few weeks ago. The septic infection really zapped me.I have lost a little bit of myself each year. I had trouble putting on my earrings yesterday because of my neuropathy, and it is very difficult for me to dress myself although most days I manage. Dan has been a great helper. I am dictating this blog because typing is too hard on my fingertips. I don't know what else will go in the future. I hope things will just stay stable. Dan told me something interesting—that triple negative breast cancer benefits from beta blockers. Drugs that control our breathing, heart rate, and so on so feel less anxious. I told Dan “bring on the drugs then.” I’m trying to keep stress low.

Thanksgiving on Thursday so it's appropriate to remember all the things that are good in my life. And my sweet daughter and a friend are gonna clean my house tomorrow which will be a real treat. I haven't had a cleaner in a very long time. My sil and family members are taking care of the food—bless em.

I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving and I'll keep you posted on my cancer. I'm hoping the Dec pet scan and brain mri will show an absence of cancer in my organs, brain or bones because that feels like the beginning of the end

PS Thank you Amy Easterly for the quotation below.