Sickness As Instruction

This will be an appropriate Lenten message. In my long career as a literature teacher, I have often had the opportunity to teach American writer Flannery O’Connor. Last night i watched a great new video on her life. Here’s a link to it if interested:: https://www.pbs.org/video/flannery-mxhspu/?fbclid=IwAR3aznR3EJqLNLO5nc_vxdg8NE3NjvIviTxx9Fbp-uSsVAVNrC2RfRSl59M

She died of lupus at age 39 so she understood what it was like to live with what was then a terminal illness. Despite her illness (and her own personal flaws) she went on to become one of the best writers of the 20th century. This quotation of hers from the film resonated with me. She said:

In a sense sickness is a place, more instructive than a long trip to Europe, and it's always a place where there's no company, where nobody can follow. Sickness before death is a very appropriate thing and I think those who don't have it miss one of God's mercies.

What happens when you have a terminal illness? Often you observe life more closely. I don’t always “cherish” each day as I should bc I may be in pain or nauseated or whatever from treatment, but I find life endlessly fascinating. I LOVE my friends and my family perhaps a bit more. They’ve all been so kind and supportive. Personally I don’t want to die bc of those reasons.

I have reason to believe my new treatment is working and at least it’s not filling my lungs with fluid. I had a chest x-ray on March 19 and little fluid left. There are other problems of course so please don’t say “I’m so glad you’re doing better.” It’s better to just say, “how are you doing?” bc i may not be doing better on that day. I will know more from my scan on April 19 to see if liver mets gone. But in the meantime my skin mets have disappeared so that’s great!! And I’m so very grateful for my strong body that has allowed me to withstand 4 years of chemo and other treatments. My heart still remains strong so all that running and bootcamps paid off bc sometimes treatments will kill you too. In Flannery’s case, a botched hysterectomy exacerbated her lupus which led to her death. Instructive for me.