Pull Up Your Britches!

Why am I giving that order? For several reasons:

Mainly because I need hubs Dan to help me pull up my jeans with my bad neuropathy in my fingertips. I can pull up front but can’t manage to pull up the back part. Also I appreciate his help to put on the lymphedema sleeve I have to wear 24/7.

I also posted that bc I’ve been a workaholic all my life—working since 16 (or younger if you count babysitting and yardwork). I was a server for at least 5 years. Then in college & afterwards I usually had 2 jobs even after marrying. I had two jobs working (pregnant twice) while working on my thesis—taught and worked at a store in the mall. When Dan decided to go back to med school I followed same pattern 2-3 jobs with 3 kids bc teaching pay sucked. My motto has always been, you can do this for a short time and things will get better! So I believed in pulling up my britches or pulling up my bootstraps to get a good life.

Finally when Dan got out of residency i started teaching at UT and was there forever. In the meantime, I finished raising my kids and got a doctorate, published a chap book of poetry and went to china to teach for 4 months. i retired at 62.

So when people look at my life they might think “wow, doc’s wife. easy life.” You have no idea. 11 houses bought and sold and many moves. I no longer believe in the britches or bootstrap theories. Sometimes you have no control over the bad things that come your way. And yes faith helps but not for everything.

And now my hub is combatting bad disease. Don’t ask me details. He’s very private. And yes i get i’m lucky i’m not doing cancer alone (although friends/family would never abandon me either). But as I’m trying to arrange my treatments, I’m trying to help him and worry. I’m trying to put on my big girl pants and carry on. I dreamt I was crying last night bc i was feeling sad for him. As theologian Oswald Chambers says about judging ppl , there’s one more fact to a person’s life you don’t know—so don’t judge.

My scans show no progression of disease in organs or disease but I have to talk to PA Monday to hear “officially.” I got copies of my scans on cd and advise that for anyone who gets scans. They are yours so don’t let anyone talk you out of it.

Dan and I looked at them and just saw an increase in fluid in lung lining which I am going to have drained at some point (thorantesis) I was going to have drained Tuesday but have to postpone til Dan’s better. I’m still going to Nashville on Monday to get treatment. Kids have offered to cover home in my absence. And btw my 14 yr old dog also has a tumor in her mouth so we truly are a cancer house. (Nevertheless antibiotics making her breath smell much better! so that’s good.)