Hoping for Holiday Miracle

At endrincologist this morning. Cancer treatment messes with thyroid. I made this appt months and months ago—apparently nearly everyone in the world has thyroid problems. So I’ll be sitting here for a while.

I learned something new with this most recent chemo on Thursday. Chemos can induce something called radiation recall. Although my last proton treatment was October 3, my “sunburn” has come back, and I have tightness in my skin where I was treated. You can see a big color block on my skin where the protons hit. The reason for this is that the proton treated cells are damaged, and they become inflamed again.

So what’s the miracle I’m hoping for? I will get about 4 doses of this chemo, and then they’ll scan again. I really, really hope and pray that this chemo will get the little residual disease in my lymphs. If it does, maybe I’ll then get radiation. And I’m hoping to be done by the holidays. For 3 years I’ve dealt with cancer during holiday season and am ready to be DONE. (Not done, done, but at the NED stage.)

Dan doesn’t understand why my disease has moved from clean left side to the right lymphs. Last night he speculated that the chemo (42 of them!) has so damaged my vascular system that the lymphs didn’t get enough of last chemo. It’s disturbing when oncologists say they don’t understand why your disease is acting the way it is.

This uncertainty is causing me all kinds of anxiety and most recently weird dreams. Friday night after chemo, I dreamt about thanksgivings of previous years and my current state. While I was teaching, on thanksgiving Wednesdays  I always picked up last ditch research papers with anywhere from 20-40 guests arriving for dinner on Thursday. In the dream, I couldn’t find my class roster, couldn’t remember where we met, and I’d already missed my 9:30 class to pick up papers. I thought about calling dept. to tell them my cancer had returned for 4th time and could they help me? Crazy!

Can’t do anything about this. I have to let go and take one day at a time and envision that little bit of disease being wiped out by chemo.

I’m ready for a miracle that is within the realm of possibility. Who’s with me? And thank you for your prayers!

PS I’m going to brag on Dan for a sec. At endrocinology appt., they had to stick me three times to get a good vein. I told Dan & said “I’m probably dehydrated from Thursday chemo”— and he suggested that maybe my right lymphs did not get the chemo this summer bc my veins are so damaged from previous 42 chemos, and bc I stayed dehydrated with summer heat and protons, maybe lymphs did not get the a&c or carboplatin. So now I have even more reason to hydrate before & after chemo to make sure drug gets to veins. I’m encouraged by this idea. He had been perplexed as to why my cancer has now moved to right lymphs although left side now clean. Also endocrinologist mentioned the studies that suggest intermittent fasting (IF) before chemo increases efficacy. So I have 2 new strategies to get rid of this residual disease. Grateful!