St Patrick's Day

St Patrick's day. I've been craving a Reuben . More salty meat. Maybe I'll celebrate and buy one somewhere. Yesterday lunch was two hot dogs, no bread. Half a bag of chips. Mustard/ketchup. No dinner. They pumped me full of water though so I woke up five pounds heavier.

What is it about blinding headaches the week after chemo? The kind that bring tears to my eyes? No nausea medicine yesterday, so that's not the culprit. Dehydration can't be the problem since I'm full of fluid. They were going to do an MRI yesterday, but it got cancelled bc of insurance problems. Rescheduled for Tuesday.

Dan once told me the story of one of his smart patients who was bravely fighting cancer, but when she found out it had gone to her brain she gave up. She had always taken great pride in her intelligence. Those thoughts plague me, although Dan says the pet scan would have picked up any large tumors.

The headaches are probably drug related interactions since they occur exactly at the sametime 3-4 AM a week after getting the chemo drugs and neulasta (the drug to stimulate white blood cells on bone marrow).

But friends and generous gifts have brought such goodness to
my life. When St. Elizabeth and I visited Tibet, the Tibetansdraped their scarves over our necks. Later they would leave them as totems on hillsides to mark their spiritual journeys. It's all about community and love for neighbor and god.  These objects are sacred garments.

It was always been my practice as a teacher when I felt afraid to wear the clothing my women friends had given me when Dan was in school, and I had 3 little kids. They knew I was struggling. So that's what I am doing when I have difficult days. I feel as if my friends and family are hugging me on the days I wear their clothing.

One cold day, for example, I wore my friend Corinne Leggett's scarf (Corrine has had breast cancer twice and defeated it) and my daughter's sweater. Two strong women.